|
William ("Dr.
Bill") Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Director
of New Hope and Psychologist for ChristianSoulCare.com
Question:
I've
been struggling with anxiety for a few years. I often feel sick
to my stomach, I worry about what people think, and I'm uncomfortable
in social situations. I've been trying to be strong and get through
this without medication. I pray for God's help, but still I feel
tense. What causes anxiety? What can I do to overcome this?
Answer:
It
sounds like you're trying hard not to feel anxious. This is
probably part of your problem. Let me explain.
You
asked what causes anxiety? In a word, denial. Denial of pain.
Denial of feelings - fear, anger, sadness. Denial of needs and
vulnerabilities.
Every
anxious person I've talked to sounds like you in that they're
trying hard to be strong and independent. Often, they're successful
and intelligent people who have many responsibilities, including
caring for other people's needs. But it's not okay for them to
be the one who is needy.
This
is why anxious people live with the pressure to do more and to
do better. To look good. To be ideal. And, always, to be in control
- emotionally, at their work, and in their relationships. They
only one they will count on are themselves.
When
they feel unwanted feelings - like fear, hurt, or anger - they
deny it because they don't want to be vulnerable with someone
else. These denied feelings and needs become anxiety. Anxious
feelings stay in the unconscious; they don't go away. They fester
and grow.
Eventually
anxiety goes into the body and may show up as stomach pain, gastrointestinal
stress, headaches, sickness, or other pains. Anxiety also may
manifest in panic attacks, phobias, compulsive behaviors, or angry
outbursts.
You
also asked how you can overcome anxiety. There are many approaches,
including specific cognitive-behavior treatment programs that
have been effective with specific anxiety disorders, like phobias.
There are also many practical things you can do to reduce anxiety.
I introduced twenty-six ideas for dealing with anxiety in my self-help
article, "Antidotes to Anxiety," http://www.newhopenow.org/notes/archive/antidotes.html.
The
way I help people with anxiety as a psychologist is based on my
philosophy of "Christian Soul Care," (see www.ChristianSoulCare.com).
I don't try to fix it. I go with it. I take the approach that
anxiety isn't as much a problem to be solved as it is a feeling
to be felt, a hurt to be soothed, a need to be met.
So
I help people to learn to feel what they're denying and to bring
it into caring relationship with me, others, and God for support.
As Peter said, "Cast your anxiety on him because he cares for
you." (1 Peter 5:7)
There
are a number of reasons why verbalizing feelings to someone who
is caring can be soothing and helpful for people who are anxious.
·
It frees them up from the inner tension they've
had from their defenses pushing down on their feelings, which
naturally have been coming up in times of pain, stress, or need.
·
They learn to trust and receive care at a deeper
level.
·
They learn to respond to their needs and weaknesses
with grace.
·
They learn to consider their needs as being as
important as other's needs, and can ask for what they need and
set limits on what they can do for others.
·
It opens them up to see and experience God's
love.
Over
time this approach leads to inner peace, an increased "sense
of self," deeper and more caring relationships, and true
strength of character.
Editor's Note: William Gaultiere, Ph.D. is the Executive Director
of the New Hope Crisis Counseling Center at the Crystal Cathedral
and a Clinical Psychologist with a part time private practice
in Irvine, California. You can read Dr. Bill's encouraging self-help
articles on www.NewHopeNow.org
and www.ChristianSoulCare.com.
|
