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June 2002 Class Notes
William Gaultiere, Ph.D.

WELCOME

After sharing their struggles most New Hope callers and chatters ask us, directly or indirectly, "What should I do?"  They're hurting or confused and they want resolution.  At this point many volunteers feel pressured to fix things and are likely to either give reassurance ("Don't worry."  "It's not that bad."  "You'll be ok."  "Other people have it worse."  "Cheer up!") or advice ("What you need to do is..."  "You should..." "Here's what helped me...").  These are the standard responses that people in our society offer to one another, but they are not helpful from New Hope counselors.

In this class you'll learn how to resist the pressure to fix things and instead to collaborate with people on solving their problems.  We'll discuss and practice how to engage people in the problem solving process: asking questions to draw out ideas, assisting people in generating a plan, and reinforcing their positive motivation.

I want to thank Dr. Ken France, our New Hope Online mentor and counselor, for his ideas which are throughout this class.  Dr. France is the author of Crisis Intervention: a Handbook of Immediate Person to Person Help, now in it's 4th edition.

1.   Realize that collaborating to solve problems in New Hope Counseling is a much better alternative than giving advice. 

2.   Learn the "A-B-C Problem Solving Process" which is the basics of New Hope Counseling. 

3.   Practice using problem-solving to improve your skills.  

Most callers and chatters contact us because they feel alone with their hurt and because they're having problems and they need to make a change.  So as New Hope Counselors it's important that we help them to experience the caring or comfort that they need and that we assist them in developing their own plan for coping or making changes.

Recently I went whitewater rafting on the Kern River with my 11-year old son and his by Boy Scout trip.  What a thrilling adventure!  And scary too!  Driving on the highway along the river we say a sign that said, "264 people have died in the Kern river since 1962."  I thought about turning around!  If that wasn't bad enough, I learned that just one-week prior someone died in the river. 

This was on my mind at the roughest section of the classs-3 rapids when our guide yelled, "High water hard!" which meant, "Lean forward into the high waters and paddle hard or else we'll flip over!" 

Being one of the two front paddlers, I knew my role was crucial so I leaned out over the tip of the raft and into the splashing waves and paddled furiously through about a five foot dip, screaming, "Ahhhh!  Ahh!" and then finally, "Yes!  We did it!" 

My excitement and sense of conquest was abruptly curtailed though when our guide yelled out to the other guide on the raft next to us, "Rescue!"  One of the women on our raft had been catapulted into the water.  She was careening down the river head first (not feet first as she had been instructed!) and had to be pulled to safety.  She bruised and bloodied her hand and needed stitches, but she was going to be okay. 

My son and I, and I think the others too, gained something important from prevailing in our battle with the roaring whitewaters and crashing waves - in a word we grew in confidence.  And we bonded as together we avoided the jutting rocks and crashed through the turbulent waves. 

I hope that New Hope Counseling is like that for you.  I want you to feel a sense of adventure in helping others.  Afterall, you never know when the next call or chat may be someone in crisis.  And when it is we need to remember "High water hard!"  We need to lean into the crisis with the paddles of compassion and problem-solving.

There's more than an analogy behind New Hope Counseling.  There's a theology!  Here's one example:

"Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, for each one should carry his own load." (Galatians 6:1-5, italics added for emphasis.)

The Apostle Paul is instructing us to be gentle in helping other people with their problems.  When someone is overwhelmed with a crushing weight (here a "burden" is like a huge boulder) we're to exercise compassion.  In our helping we should not carry someone's whole burden ourselves, but we should help in a way that they learn to carry their own load (as in a manageable weight, like a backpack) and can take pride (esteem) in their actions.

Advice is not gentle!  Nor does it encourage people to learn the personal responsibility of carrying their own load.

WHY ADVICE ISN'T HELPFUL

If you're talking with your doctor, an attorney, or another professional you expect to receive some advice.  As a psychologist I give my clients advice, though I am careful about when and how I do it.  In New Hope Counseling advice is usually un-helpful.

You may have heard me say before, "Even good advice is bad from a New Hope Counselor.'  Well, here are four reasons why.

1.   The counselor who gives advice is acting as an authority or expert instead of being a peer and a lay counselor.  This may be experienced as a "put down" of the caller/chatter's problem solving abilities.

2.   To accept the advice, the caller/chatter relinquishes responsibility for their problem and it's solution.

3.   Advice oversimplifies the problem and the caller/chatter doesn't feel understood.

4.   Usually callers/chatters don't try your advice and even if they do it may not work for them.  But even if the advice does work it tends to reinforce dependency, insecurity, and low self-esteem.

Instead of giving advice, here is the three-step process that represents the basics of New Hope Counseling.

A ctively Listen to Concerns

• Express warmth in nonverbals: "Hm hmm."
• Reflect feelings with fresh words: "It seems you feel."
• Invite deeper self-disclosure with open probes/questions: "Tell me more about."  "Please share an example."  "How did you feel about.?"
• Summarize main concerns (focus): "So the main issue you're concerned about is."

B rainstorm Alternatives for Action

• Mobilize caller's coping resources: "What have you tried to do to deal with this situation?"
• Reinforce strengths utilized in the past: "What has helped you in the past to deal with issues like this?"
• Encourage new thinking: "What other ideas come to mind?"

C ollaborate on a Plan for Problem-Solving

• Negotiate (don't dictate) a plan of action: "So what you'd like to do is."
• Make sure the plan is realistic for the person to do: "You believe it will help if you."
• Keep the focus on the immediate: "Today (or tomorrow) what you want to do is."
• Break the plan into concrete steps: "So, it sounds like the fist step you want to take on this is to."

As you know, callers and chatters often ask us for advice.  What's your best response in these cases?  I've heard some counselors say, "Oh, I'm not supposed to give you advice."  That's not a good response!  Better to use gentle persistence in trying to draw out energies and ideas from the caller/chatter.  Here's four examples of how you can do this:

1.   You can delay problem-solving: "First, help me better understand your situation."

2.   You can always reflect feelings: "You very much want to find a way to resolve this."

3.   You can just begin collaborating: "I don't know.  Let's discuss it.  What do you think would help you?"

4.   Or you can directly resist giving advice: "I'm not sure.  It'd be best for you to tell me what you want to do about this."

WHEN YOU SHOULD GIVE ADVICE

There are exceptions to most every rule!  For instance, sometimes it'd be harmful not to give advice.  Examples include all the "red flag" issues like suicide, homicide, child abuse, elder or spousal abuse, or any out of control self-destructive behavior (like drug addiction or not taking doctor prescribed medication).  In these cases you need to be rather directive in encouraging people to change.

The other exception is when the A-B-C process doesn't generate a plan.  If the basic approach I'm teaching isn't working then you can gently, offer a suggestion that is manageable.  In this case, you could say, "You might try"  How does that sound to you?"  In other words, you're still collaborating with the person, adult to adult, not acting as an authority, trying to find and encourage his/her motivation and resourcefulness.

Finally, recommending a referral or resource may seem to some like an exception to the "no advice" rule.  Here's the tone of how to do this: "Would you like a referral to a support group (or other self-help organization)?"  "Maybe you'd find it helpful to read an article on depression from our website."

IT'S A BLESSING TO HELP OTHERS

Jesus taught, "It's more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35) and "Give and it shall be given unto you" (Luke 6:38).  Here's a heart-warming story that illustrates what I hope you experience (at least from time to time) at New Hope.

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. 

However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.  She thought he looked hungry so she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"

"You don't owe me anything," she replied. "Mother has taught us never to accept pay for a kindness.

He said... "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up.

Year's later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease.  Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation.  When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately, he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room.  Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day on he gave special attention to the case.

After a long struggle the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval.  He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge, and the bill was sent to her room. 

She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all.  Finally she looked, and something caught her attention on the side of the bill.  She read these words, "Paid in full with one glass of milk."  (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, God, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."

MOST COMMON REFERRALS

Here are the New Hope national referrals from www.NewHopeNow.org that I use the most in my New Hope Counseling:

1.   American Association of Christian Counselors: Find a local AACC registered counselor or pastor, 1-800-526-8673, www.aacc.net.

2.   Focus on the Family: Find a local Christian therapist, 1-800-A-FAMILY

3.   Overcomers Outreach: Christian support groups across the country, 1-800-310-3001, www.overcomersoutreach.org.

4.   Robert H. Schuller Institute: Referrals to Local Positive Christian Churches, 1-714-971-4195.

5.   Willowcreek Association: Find a local Evangelical Christian church, 1-847-765-5046, http://www.willowcreek.com/wca_info/find_a_church/ProfileSearch.asp

1.   Here's a helpful booklet if someone wants to become a Christian or is a new believer.  "Discover the God who Believes in You" is written by Crystal Cathedral pastors and offers Bible verses grouped in eight life-changing principles: http://www.crystalcathedral.org/discovery/

2.   Here's the "Resources Archive" link from NewHopeNow.org, which is an index, organized by subject, of all the New Hope articles I've written:

http://www.newhopenow.org/misc/public.resource.html.

Visit www.NewHopeNow.org/counselors, for easy access to the "CE Notes" and corresponding exams to past classes.  Our counselors' website also features many "Case Discussions" to demonstrate good New Hope Counseling.

To receive CE credit and the satisfaction of accomplishment take the CE Exam, which includes a role-play, and turn it into SheilaS@CrystalCathedral.org.  Complete all 11 classes for 2002 and you'll receive a special award at the end of the year!