New Hope
CE Notes, November 2002
William
Gaultiere, Ph.D.
WELCOME!
Don't
you hate it when someone tells you how many shopping days
there are left before Christmas? Well there are 46! And
just 20 days til Thanksgiving.
We can
get so busy and stressed or so lonely and depressed that we
miss the meaning of the holidays. Let's see how we can de-stress
and enjoy the holidays. Let's see how we can help others
who are stressed or hurting this time of year.
TYPES
OF HOLIDAY STRESS
Too
much to do!
Shopping,
parties, decorating, gifts to wrap, cards to send out, traffic
on the roads, and lines in the stores.
One time
when Kristi was a little girl she was doing some last minute
Christmas shopping with her mother. They had waited in long
lines and her mom seemed tired and cranky. Kristi heard her
mom say to a saleswoman, "I think we should just cancel
Christmas!" Kristi was so sad and thought, "No don't
cancel Christmas. I'm so looking forward to it. Why aren't
you?" Kristi thought her mom had turned into the Grinch!
Actually, it was just a stressful moment and had she known
what Kristi felt she'd take the words back.
Too
much anxiety or depression
For many
it's the hardest time of year: everyone seems to be happy:
celebrating with family, partying with friends, wearing red
and green and jingle bell earrings, singing Christmas carols,
boasting their perfect family picture and wonderful year of
accomplishments and vacations. but they're alone, or their
family is conflictual or superficial.
Maybe
they try to put on a happy face anyway.
Or maybe
they hide out for a month. Like one man I counseled: he stayed
out of the stores and tried not to turn on the TV. He wanted
to cancel the holidays because of the bad memories. When
he was a boy his father routine raged about something on Christmas
and everybody went into separate rooms for the rest of the
day.
Too
little meaning
Your holidays
can be full of activities and people and family, but still
be empty. Life is about relating, receiving God's love and
loving others as He has loved us.
WHAT
THANKSGIVING IS ALL ABOUT
Gratitude
for God's provision is what Thanksgiving is about.
Last night
I read the story of "The First Thanksgiving" to my 7-year
old daughter Briana. It's one of the few stories remaining
that tells the true story of Thanksgiving. You know
that most of the pilgrims were Christians and they were thanking
God for their harvest and their blessings. And the they thanked
God for Squanto.
Do you
know the story of Squanto? He was an Indian alive around
1650 (I can't remember the exact year) when the pilgrims celebrated
the first Thanksgiving. His story is quite sad until later
in his life. He was captured by colonists, transported to
England, and sold as a slave. A Christian monk bought him
and the two became quite close. Squanto learned English and
he learned about Christ. The monk decided to free Squanto
and pay his way on a ship back to the new world, which actually
was his old world. He was so excited to return to his people
and his land. Tragically, his whole tribe and died of a plague
during the years he was gone.
But Squanto
joined up with the pilgrims when they arrived. The pilgrims
were so surprised that Squanto spoke English and that he wanted
to help them. He saved their lives by teaching them how to
plant corn and to hunt and fish in the new world. Of the
100 or so pilgrims that came over in the Mayflower only half
survived the first winter. Without Squanto many more would've
died. The pilgrims, at that first Thanksgiving thanked God
for Squanto.
As Squanto
was dieing he said that he wanted to go to heaven to be with
"the Englishmen's God."
Two of
the most powerful words you can say are "Thank you."
"Thank you for complimenting me." "Thank you
for helping me out." "Thank you God for this beautiful
day." When you say thanks it means you're receiving
a good gift that was given. Every day, every one of us receives
various gifts from God, friends, loved ones, pets, or new
acquaintances. Too often we fail to appreciate these gifts.
Some time
ago I went for a jog around the lake near our home. (Due
to foot and back pain I've had to replace most of my jogging
with the exercise bike) As I ran I was looking down at the
ground in front of my feet and getting lost in the hypnotic
trance of listening to my feet pounding the pavement. Then
I looked up and saw what I could've missed. The still, clear,
blue water of the lake, reflecting the shimmering morning
sunlight, was right there and I said, "Thank you God."
Suddenly I felt a little lift in my spirit. I realized that
I was feeling strong and energetic this morning and so I said,
"Thank you God for my good health and for this moment
I have now to talk to you." A smile started to form
on my face. Just then I saw a man walking towards me. He
smiled and waved as we passed each other and I smiled bigger
and said, "Thank you God for this friendly community
I live in. Thank you for people who reach out to me."
Do you
get the picture? It feels good to say thank you and you just
keep feeling better the more you say it. I think that this
is because thanksgiving ushers us into the very presence of
a good God who loves to bless us. The Psalmist sung out,
"Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving (Psalm
95:2)."
We like
to go around the table at Thanksgiving time and share what
we're thankful for. One way we do this is with a "Thanksgiving
Tree." We have leaf stickers that we write what we're thankful
for on and then we stick them on the tree. What a beautiful,
fruitful tree it is!
What are
you thankful for? Tell someone!
WHAT
CHRISTMAS IS ALL ABOUT
Here's
a touching Christmas story from an anonymous mother
Each December,
I vowed to make Christmas a calm and peaceful experience.
I even cut back on nonessential obligations -- yet, found
myself exhausted, unable to appreciate precious moments, and
the true meaning of Christmas.
Like one
year, when my son, Nicholas, was in kindergarten he performed
in his school's "Winter Pageant" and I was working
the night of the production. But at least I was able
to attend the morning dress rehearsal. So I went to see Nicholas
practice, finding a spot on the cafeteria floor. The classes
of students were led in by their teachers and sat cross-legged
on the floor. Then, each group, one by one, rose to perform
their song.
Because
the public school system had long stopped referring to the
holiday as "Christmas", I didn't expect anything
other than fun, commercial entertainment - songs of Santa
Claus, reindeer, snowflakes and good cheer. So, when my son's
class rose to sing "Christmas Love," I was slightly
taken aback by its bold title.
Nicholas
was aglow, as were all of his classmates, adorned in fuzzy
mittens, red sweaters and bright hats. Those in the front
row-center stage-held up large letters, one by one, to spell
out the song's title. As the class sang "C is for Christmas,"
a child would hold up the letter C. Then, "H is for "Happy",
and on and on, until each child holding up his letter, spelled
"Christmas Love."
The performance
was going smoothly until suddenly, we noticed a small,
quiet girl in the front row holding the letter "M"
upside down. She was totally unaware that her letter "M"
appeared as a "W". The audience of 1st
through 6th graders snickered. The girl had no idea they were
laughing at her, so she stood tall, proudly holding her "W".
Although
many teachers tried to shush the children, the laughter continued
until the last letter was raised, and we saw it all together.
A hush came over the audience. In that instant, we understood
the reason we were there, why we celebrate the holiday. I
was then able to set the stress aside and appreciate the true
meaning of Christmas.
For when
the last letter was held high the message read loud and clear:
"CHRIST WAS LOVE."
This
Christmas story from an anonymous man will bring tears to
your eyes.
It was
only five days before Christmas but the spirit of the season
hadn't yet caught up with me. Hurriedly, I filled my shopping
cart with last minute items and proceeded to the long checkout
lines.
In front
of me were two small children - a boy of about 10 and a younger
girl about 5. The boy wore a ragged coat. Enormously large,
tattered tennis shoes jutted far out in front of his much
too short jeans. He clutched several crumpled dollar bills
in his grimy hands. The girl's clothing resembled her brother's.
Her head was a matted mass of curly hair. Reminders of an
evening meal showed on her small face. She carried a beautiful
pair of shiny, gold house slippers. As the Christmas music
sounded in the store's stereo system, the girl hummed along
off-key but happily.
When we
finally approached the checkout register, the girl carefully
placed the shoes on the counter. She treated them as though
they were a treasure. The clerk rang up the bill. "That
will be $6.09," she said. The boy laid his crumpled
dollars atop the stand while he searched his pockets. He finally
came up with $3.12. "I guess we will have to put them
back, " he bravely said. "We will come back some
other time, maybe tomorrow.
"With
that statement, a soft sob broke from the little girl. "But
Jesus would have loved these shoes, " she cried. The
boy replied, "Well, we'll go home and work some more.
Don't cry. We'll come back."
Quickly
I handed $3.00 to the cashier. These children had waited in
line for a long time. And, after all, it was Christmas. Suddenly
a pair of arms came around me and a small voice said, "Thank
you Sir."
"What
did you mean when you said Jesus would like the shoes?"
I asked. The small boy answered, "Our mommy is sick and
going to heaven. Daddy said she might go before Christmas
to be with Jesus." The girl spoke, "My Sunday school
teacher said the streets in heaven are shiny gold, just like
these shoes. Won't mommy be beautiful walking on those streets
to match these shoes?" My eyes flooded as I looked into
her tear streaked face. "Yes" I answered, "I
am sure she will."
Silently
I thanked God for using these children to remind me of the
true spirit of giving. Christmas is not about the amount of
money paid, nor the amount of gifts purchased, nor trying
to impress friends and relatives. Christmas is about the
love in your heart to share with those as Jesus Christ has
shared with each of us.
TIPS
TO DE-STRESS (CELEBRATE!) THE HOLIDAYS
If you're
celebrating - truly enjoying the moment - then you won't be
stressed. Anxiety is incompatible with joy.
Start
Early
My wife
Kristi has learned this well. She makes a list and starts
her shopping as early as summer time some years. The lines
are much shorter the earlier you shop.
The other
thing she does is she begins right after Thanksgiving. That
weekend we start the decorating. A whole month of Christmas!
It was an adjustment for me. We didn't do it that way. Sometimes
we were decorating on Christmas Eve! But I've learned to
enjoy it. One reason is because getting started early helps
to make it less stressful.
The Sunday
evening of Thanksgiving weekend has become a wonderful, peaceful
moment in our home. The decorating is done. The lights on
the Christmas tree are twinkling. Christmas carols are resounding.
And we set a blanket out on the floor and have a pizza party!
Our kids love it.
Simplify
Acknowledge
your limits. Slow down. Set realistic expectations. This
advice flies in the face of what has become "normal" for most
of us at Christmastime.
Sometimes
it's better to skip a Christmas party (just not the New Hope
party!) and spend a relaxing evening at home with family.
Or instead of buying gifts for everyone draw names. Think
of what you can cut back on. Less is more!
Savor
Traditions
What are
some of your favorite holiday traditions? In class we all
shared an example. It's fun to think about these things and
talk about them. Better still to pass them on and to see
our kids passing them on to their children!
Here are
some of my traditions. Maybe these will remind you of your
traditions or perhaps give you a new idea to start.
For our
family the Christmas season officially begins with watching
"The Glory of Christmas" at the Crystal Cathedral. We so
enjoy seeing, hearing, and smelling (there's live animals
on stage!) the story of Jesus' birth enacted before us. It
focuses our thoughts and tunes our hearts and lifts our spirits
(along with the flying angels!) to the true meaning of Christmas.
One of
my favorite things about having children is reading them stories.
We have a full shelf of Christmas stories, including some
by my favorite children's author, Max Lucado. It's so special
to get the fireplace going, sit a child in my lap (they're
starting to get to big to fit!) and read a Christmas story
like "The Crippled Lamb" or "The Story of the Candy Cane."
If your children are grown then get your grandkids, or a niece
or nephew, or volunteer in your church nursery and read a
story to a child. It'll be one of your best Christmas memories.
A tradition
that Kristi's family has to do a "Joke Tree" on Christmas
Eve. So every year after the Christmas Eve service at the
Crystal Cathedral everyone comes to our house for Pa Pa's
homemade clam chowder and Joke Tree. Each of us has bought
someone a humorous gift. Usually, it's something personal
related to an experience from that year. A golf instruction
book, a pony tail, a whoopee cushion. Something funny that
won't hurt the person's feelings, that's the idea. Laughter
is a great way to bond and to release stress.
Then Christmas
day in addition to gift giving we enjoy a birthday cake (coffee
cake) for baby Jesus and read the Christmas story from the
Bible.
Share
Feelings
If the
holidays put you into family tensions and conflicts or leave
you feeling left out of the celebrating then find someone
safe to talk to. Share your feelings and seek the understanding
that you need. Many people do this with us at New Hope this
time of year. What a blessing for us to listen and to care.
We're truly giving the gift of Christmas when we care for
someone like this in Jesus' name.
Support
the needy
At Thanksgiving
we enjoy giving a "Box of Love" (traditional holiday meal)
for a needy family. (I forget the name of the organization
that does this.) We go shopping together and pick out the
ham, green beans, yams, and all. Then we put a note in the
box for the family. In fact, we like it so much that we keep
adding boxes. This year we're doing five, one for each of
us. This way each of our three kids can fill up their own
box in their own shopping cart. Your biggest smiles in life
come at times like this.
I'll never
forget the scene. It was a just before Christmas a number
of years ago and my wife and kids and I drove to an apartment
complex in a nearby barrio to deliver some Christmas presents
to a poor family whose father was in jail. We were all excited
to deliver these presents to the children, but we were apprehensive
too. We weren't sure what we'd find there. Broken windows
and graffiti covered walls? A gang of teenagers roaming the
street? Upon arriving we discovered that it was indeed a poor,
rundown neighborhood, but it was quiet and seemed safe enough.
We were still a little uneasy though, so I gave my wife the
car keys and she and the kids waited in the car while I got
the presents out of the trunk and walked them up to the door.
When I
rang the bell an Hispanic boy of about six years old peaked
at me through the window curtains. His eyes got big when he
saw the stack of presents in my arms. Apparently he ran and
told the other kids in the house because there was an excited
commotion inside with kids screaming, laughing, and bouncing
off the walls. Suddenly, everything quieted down and the mother
came to open the door with some of her kids peering around
at me from behind her dress. Using my limited Spanish I said,
"Estes presentes esta para tu familia in el nombre de
Jesu Christo. El padre de los ninos mucho amor para tu."
One of the kids shouted out something about "Papa"
and the mother smiled and said "Gracias." I smiled
said "De nada" and left, as the kids started ripping
the paper off the packages before they even left their mother's
hands.
Spiritualize
Are culture
would have us to forget that Thanksgiving and Christmas are
Christian holidays. Let's not. These are important parts
of our Christian calendar. God wants us to celebrate times
like this.
GOD
IS INVITING YOU TO CELEBRATE WITH HIM
Celebrate
Regularly
