New Hope
CE, May 2003
William Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Executive Director of New Hope
WELCOME
Pain.
We try to avoid it, but we can't always. So when it comes
we want God or someone to make it go away. This is the reason
why most people contact New Hope: To fix their pain. But
pain is not the problem. Usually it's an indicator, a symptom
of a problem in our bodies, souls, or relationships that needs
to be addressed. Some pain is connected to sin and should
be avoided whenever possible. Often though pain is unavoidable.
And sometimes a mature Christian may choose to experience
pain for spiritual reasons. So pain can be good or bad, but
all pain, once experienced, becomes bad or problematic if
it's denied or can become a blessing if embraced with God's
help.
PRAYER
Let's
appreciate God's presence in this class. Dear God, how blessed
we are that you're your Holy Spirit lives inside each of as
Christians and that together we are the Body of Christ, we
are Christ's hands and heart to one another and to those who
contact New Hope. Use us to mediate your compassion and comfort
to those who are in pain. And help us to grow in sensitivity
to people's deeper spiritual needs and to develop our skills
in gently, helping people to receive whatever blessings and
lessons you might bring to those who are in pain. In Jesus'
name we pray. Amen.
THIS PAIN
IS FUNNY!
Consider
the proverb, "A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Proverbs
17:22). Indeed laughter can help us cope with pain. (It
can also be an unhealthy defense mechanism used to deny pain,
as in Proverbs 14:13.) Perhaps the therapy of laughter is
why some people laugh when they hurt their "funny bone."
It reminds
me of a story I heard. An elderly woman had just returned
to her home from an evening church services when she was startled
by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing
her home of its valuables and yelled, ";Stop! Acts 2:38!";
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that
your sins may be forgiven.) The burglar stopped in his tracks.
The woman calmly called the police and explained what she
had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he
asked the burglar, "; Why did you just stand there? All the
old lady did was yell a scripture to you. ";Scripture?";
replied the burglar. "; She said she had an ax and two 38's!";
HOW TO UNDERSTAND
AND RESPOND TO FOUR TYPES OF PAIN
There
are four reasons for pain, four different types of pain that
you and I and those who seek our help experience. It's important
to understand which type of pain it is because there are differences
in how you want to respond to each type.
In general,
all four reasons for suffering go back to the fact that people
and all of God's creation are in a state of separation from
God since Adam and Eve sinned and were kicked out of the Garden
of Eden. More specifically though, there are two polar tensions
involved in suffering. First, we experience pain because
of our choices or because of events that happen to us. And
secondly we suffer because of sin or stress. It nets out
as mapped in the table, "Four Reasons for Pain in a World
Separated from God." (Of course, life doesn't fit neatly
into just these four boxes so keep in mind that there may
be overlap between these areas.)
Four
Reasons for Pain in a World Separated from God
| |
Events
that Happen |
Choices
that I Make |
| Sins
to Avoid or Redeem (Afterward) |
1.
Someone sins against me |
2.
I sin |
| Stresses
to Accept or Choose |
3.
Loss or difficulty happens |
4.
I deny myself |
We
experience pain when someone chooses to sin against us.
A number of years ago a Christian minister who did marriage
seminars around the country asked me to co-author a book with
him on marriage because I was a published author and a Christian
Psychologist. I was to write the book using material from
his seminars and my counseling practice. So that's what I
did, sending him my work as I went along.
After
I completed much of the first draft he changed his mind and
decided he wanted to write the book on his own, even though
we already had signed a contract together with a publisher.
Of course, the publisher wouldn't let him alter the contract
so he decided to pressure and guilt-trip me out of any royalties.
I felt
violated. I sought support and input from my mentor and prayed
about it. Then I calmly confronted the man with what he was
doing and how it wasn't fair. He wouldn't budge in his angry
insistence that I bow out. I went back to my mentor and to
prayer. I decided to compromise by letting him take control
of the book and accepting only 25% of the royalties. It hurt
the way he treated me, I missed the chance to help write that
book, and I lost a few thousand dollars. So I experienced
pain from being sinned against.
We all
know that the pain of being sinned against is common. An
incest survivor, a wife of an adulterous husband, and a man
who is verbally abused by his wife are obvious examples of
people we talk to at New Hope who are in pain from being sinned
against.
We
experience pain when we choose to sin. A few years ago
I came to terms with the fact that I had been slandering a
colleague of mine in some of my conversations with friends.
He didn't know, but it was still hurtful to him, to me, and
even to those who listened to my criticisms. I was envious
over the success of his ministry and criticizing him distracted
me from dealing with my own feelings of inadequacy. Part
of my problem was that he had hurt me previously. I need
to work through my anger and hurt at him. I learned to forgive
him and to pray for God to bless his work and I started focusing
more on being myself and doing the ministry that God has given
me to do and doing this with contentment.
The pain
that we experience from own sins is harder to identify and
talk about because often we don't want to admit to our responsibility
and are ashamed of our sin. And as counselors we certainly
don't want to make the mistake of judging and condemning people
so we tend to avoid this area. But often people suffer because
of their sins or being irresponsible. Here's a few examples:
a worker who is fired for being chronically late, a teenage
girl is punished for stealing from her mother, or a husband
suffers a divorce because to avoid conflict he went ahead
and married his charming girlfriend who was abusive and unreliable.
We
experience pain from tragedies and losses that happen. We
live in a fallen, imperfect world where stressful events occur.
A few
days ago, in the midst of preparing this class on pain, I
experienced a painful accident. I guess God decided that
I needed another illustration for this seminar! The trunk
of a liquid amber tree that I had cut down over a year ago
was laying in my side yard. I finally got sick of looking
at it and decided to chop it up into logs for our fireplace.
At one point I had cut half way through the wood and thought
I could save some time by stomping down hard on the log and
when I did half of it flew up and hit me in the mouth!
Immediately
I cried out in pain, ran into the house, looked into the bathroom
mirror and was horrified to see blood pouring out of my mouth
and my tooth knocked out of place and loose. The next thing
I did was the one smart thing I did: I screamed out, "Kristi!"
But what followed that is a machine gun fire of shouts that
I'm not proud of: "Oh I'm so stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!
I'm going to lose my front tooth! How could I be so dumb!
Why didn't I listen to Kristi when she told me to just throw
the wood away?"
By this
time, of course, Kristi had come running to the bathroom.
Hanging up on the call she had been on she looked in mouth
and then dialed the number to page our dentist. Then turned
to me tenderly and pleaded, "Bill, if I had hurt myself like
that you'd have compassion for me. It was an accident. You
need to be kind to yourself." She was right. It was a reminder
for me to cooperate with God's care for me. I was fortunate
that in the end that lesson only cost me a few days of pain
and inconvenience and a hundred bucks, as my tooth was saved.
You've
probably experienced painful circumstances much worse than
my tooth accident. I have. We certainly talk to people who
have. A wife loses her 55-year old husband to cancer. A
husband and three small children lose their mother to a car
accident - no one was drunk or driving recklessly; it just
happened. A woman in her 50's never got to be a mother even
though she and her husband tried and prayed and went through
years of getting help for their infertility.
Painful
things that nobody intended and aren't directly connected
to anyone's sin just happen in life outside of the Garden
of Eden.
We
experience pain when we choose to deny ourselves a desire.
There's a fourth reason for pain that you may have never
thought of: Choosing pain. No, I'm not talking about masochism,
a sick way of getting pleasure out of harming yourself. I'm
referring to someone who chooses pain or stress for healthy
reasons. Like recently, the night before Briana, my seven-year
old girl, was to run a jog-a-thon for her school fundraiser
she declared, "Daddy, I know I can run the most laps of anyone
in my class because I can push through the pain!" And she
did. Her determination paid off. Anyone who exercises does
the same thing. They stress their muscles and endure pain
in order to get stronger and fitter.
We can
do the same thing spiritually. For instance, this year I
returned to regularly practicing a spiritual discipline that
I had neglected for years: fasting. Some people go without
food for health reasons or to lose weight but that's not what
I'm doing. I go 24 hours without food in order to feel the
pain of hunger. Why? Because whenever I feel hungry I'm
reminded of my deep hunger for God and I go to prayer and
I meditate on Scriptures like Jesus saying that we don't live
for bread alone, but for God's Words and that his food is
to do God's work. Fasting helps me to feed on Jesus as the
Bread of Life.
Tithing
money works the same way. So does letting go of worldly pursuits
or even secondary priorities that are good in order to purse
what is best, to seek God with a whole heart. Anytime a Christian
endures persecution for doing what is right or for living
as a Christian they are choosing to suffer. Missionaries
are obvious examples of people choosing loss, stress, pain,
or even martyrdom for spiritual reasons.
Suffering
persecution may include being sinned against, but it's different
type of pain because the sufferer's ability to love is greater
than her need for justice and the offender needs the Christian
witness. Clearly, when someone is being beaten down into
a place of shame and fear she needs protection and care.
And often offenders need to be confronted and held accountable.
These situations are not a call for the victim to endure persecution
for Christ's sake.
BAD
PAIN IS FROM DENYING AND DEFENDING AGAINST PAINFUL REALITIES
When
pain is denied or anesthized it causes problems. It means
a warning isn't heeded, a hurt isn't healed, a lesson isn't
learned, the blessings of spiritual growth and God's presence
are missed.
When
someone sins against you. It's natural and helpful when
you've been violated to feel angry and scared of it happening
again. But often we deny and defend against these feelings
either by internalizing our anger and feeling ashamed for
something that's not our fault or by getting stuck in blame.
Then we'll feel resentful or anxious. These are bad pains
that serve no good purpose except to alert us to our problem.
When
you sin. It's appropriate when you've sinned to be sad
about the hurt you caused and to appreciate better your inner
emptiness and vulnerability to temptation. But, here also,
we tend to avoid these painful and humbling feelings and adopt
either a proud posture in relationship to our sin of legalism
("I messed up, but I can do better if I try harder.") or license
("I messed up, but it doesn't much matter, as I can do what
I want and things will be okay.) So we end up feeling guilty,
condemning ourselves or trying not to feel bad. This too
is bad pain that is harmful to us and to others (someone who
is feeling guilty is self-absorbed and not empathic) except
that it may point out our need for help.
When
tragedy strikes or an accident occurs. Unfortunate stressors
and pains come our way in our imperfect world. Sickness,
injury, and death may seem random and cruel. We don't want
to accept that our world is so imperfect, so riddled with
pain and problems. To defend against this painful vulnerability
people become pessimistic and soured on life or idealistic
and wear roles-colored glasses. Life is depressing or fake
and empty (hidden depression). As you've heard me say before,
depression, as a state of withdrawing into negative feelings
about yourself and your world is unhealthy.
God
asks all of us to deny ourselves. "Take up your cross
and follow me," Jesus challenged us. God is our Creator and
Lord and He owns us in a sense. He is the Righteous Judge
to be feared. Especially as Christians we realize this because
He has "redeemed" or bought us out of slavery to sin and has
"set us apart" to be His special treasure. He's the Lover
of our Souls and when we turn to anything but Him and what
He provides we're committing spiritual adultery, betraying
Him, testing His patience and arousing His anger. But even
most Christians don't seem to see things this way. We tend
to see God as either harsh and mean or soft and easy. Either
way, life will be increasingly anxious, as we try to make
our lives work and are consumed with empty pleasures, worldly
ambitions, and, at best, secondary priorities that in themselves
may be good except that they're taking God's place in our
hearts.
IT'S
EASY TO MISS GOD'S LESSON WHEN YOU'RE IN PAIN
Prince
Martinette of Grenada was heir to the Spanish throne at the
turn of the 18th century, yet because of treason he was sentenced
to a life of solitary confinement in Madrid's prison known
as the ";THE SKULL."; The prison was dark and diseased infested
and it was considered a death sentence. Upon entering the
prison; the prince was given one book to read, the Bible.
After 33 years of imprisonment, he died. When they came to
clean out his cell, they found some notes he had written using
nails to mark the soft stone of the prison walls. Some of
the notations were: Psalm 118:8 is the middle verse of the
Bible; Ezra 7:21 contains all the letters of the alphabet
except the letter J; and the ninth verse of the eighth chapter
of Esther is the longest verse in the Bible. Instead of developing
a relationship with Jesus Christ and finding some help in
his anxious, painful ordeal he became an expert in Bible trivia!
The only
survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited
island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every
day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming.
Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out
of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to
store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging
for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames,
the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything
was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. ";God, how
could you do this to me!"; he cried. Early the next day,
however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching
the island. It had come to rescue him. ";How did you know
I was here?"; asked the weary man of his rescuers. ";We saw
your smoke signal,"; they replied.
EMBRACE
YOUR PAIN FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Any pain,
even that which starts out bad because it originates in sin
(yours or someone's sin against you) or that which previously
has been bad because it's been denied (discussed above) can
become good when it's embraced by God's grace. With all four
types of pain bad pain can become good pain can become blessing
if we share honestly, rely on the grace of God (often through
the Body of Christ), and take the steps we need to take over
time.
Resentment
and anxiety over violations can be replaced by assertiveness.
To take positive aggressive action is to respond to the good
pains of anger and fear and to move forward to deal with the
situation when you've been sinned against. The Bible speaks
often and clearly about how in these situations we're to set
limits on perpetrators, to confront them and speak the truth
in love to them. When we're wounded and weakened we need
to first put our assertive energy into seeking safety and
asking for care and help to get our needs met. And we need
to engage in the process of forgiveness.
Guilt
and self-condemnation over our sins can be replaced by sadness.
To feel sad when we sin (what Paul calls "godly sorrow")
is good and helpful. To realize that we've hurt ourselves,
someone else, and God can move us to say we're sorry and to
change by seeking forgiveness and learning to respect God's
rules. God changes our hearts so that we want to live by
depending on Him. We discover the freedom to be our true
selves.
Depression
over our difficulties can be replaced by grieving. Grief
is good pain. It is a pathway to healing that is part of
all emotional and relational healing. The heart of grieving
is to verbalize your sadness to someone who offers comfort.
And the blessing that is behind all the pain is greater intimacy
with God, a deeper appreciation for Him and the life that
He offers. Eugene Peterson translated Jesus famous beatitude
this way, "You're blessed when you've lost what is most dear
to you. Only then can you be embraced by the One who is most
dear" (Matthew 5:4).
Anxious
living can be replaced by revering God and hungering for Him.
Part of revering God is to feel a certain fear and awe of
One so powerful and holy. This is a good pain because it's
right and it can lead us to seek to please Him above all and
to discover that His perfect love drives out our fear (1 John
4:18). But when we look to Him we don't always feel loved.
In fact, often we long for more of Him than we're able to
see or receive. Our hunger for God is also a good pain because
it presses us onward to deeper intimacy and greater service.
Gradually and painfully, we come to experience more of the
fruit of the Spirit in our souls.
A BOY
AND A GIRL LEARNED GOD'S LESSON IN THEIR PAINS
Jamie
was trying out for a part in a school play. He had his heart
set on being in the play. On the day the parts were awarded
Jamie learned that he didn't get a part, but he rushed up
to his mother, eyes shining with pride and excitement. ";Guess
what Mom,"; he shouted, ";I've been chosen to clap and cheer!";
None
of us will ever forget the massacre at Columbine high school.
Yet, in the midst of this great evil and all the pain it caused
for so many, many people is a remarkable story of a teenage
girl confidently and joyfully giving her life for the cause
of Christ. Cassie Bernall had been reading her Bible in the
school library when she was suddenly terrorized my a masked
gunman and asked, "Do you believe in God?" "Yes, I believe
in God," she replied and was shot dead. Just two days prior
to her death she wrote the following poem: " Now I have given
up on everything else/ I have found it to be the only way/
To really know Christ and to experience/ The mighty power
that brought/ Him back to life again, and to find/ Out what
it means to suffer and to/ Die with him. So, whatever it
takes/ I will be one who lives in the fresh/ Newness of life
of those who are/ Alive from the dead.";
A SUMMARY
OF WHAT I'VE TAUGHT SO FAR
The following
table, "Embracing Your Bad Pain so God can Bring Good into
Your Life," summarizes my teaching so far.
Embracing
Your Bad Pain so God can Bring Good into Your Life
| Pain
due to Separation from God |
Denied
Painful Reality |
Defense
to Resist |
Bad
Pain to Embrace |
Good
Pain to Help Heal & Grow |
Step
to be Reconciled to God |
Blessing
to Enjoy (Even with Pain) |
| 1.
Someone Sins Against Me |
Anger
or fear over injustice |
Shame
or blame |
Resentment
& anxiety |
Assertive
energy |
Prayer,
boundaries, & set limits |
Forgiveness,
safety, & care |
| 2.
I Sin |
Emptiness
& temptation |
Legalism
or license |
Guilt |
Sadness |
Repent
& set limits |
Grace,
freedom, & true life |
| 3.
Loss or Difficulty Happens |
Fallen
world |
Pessimism
or idealism |
Depression |
Grief |
Seek
comfort |
Deeper
intimacy with God |
| 4.
I Deny Myself |
Fear
of God |
Seeing
God as harsh or soft |
Anxious |
Reverence
& hunger for God |
Let
go of rights & seek God |
God's
love, joy, & peace |
BIBLICAL
MODELS OF EMBRACING PAIN FOR SPIRITUAL GROWTH
Here
are four models for us from the Bible that illustrate the
four ways that we're to embrace pain to grow closer to God
and to serve and glorify Him:
1.
Job suffered because of others' sins and remained faithful
Job's
children and servants were killed or captured by enemies and
his animals and wealth were stolen by enemies. In these ways
he was sinned against. Also other children and servants were
killed in a storm and he was afflicted with painful boils.
(Painful tragedies not related to sin or choice.)
Some
people wrongly think that Job did something to deserve his
suffering even though the Bible clearly indicates that the
suffering wasn't because of his sin. His friends sure did
and offered him lots of judgment, analysis, and advice that
rubbed salt in his wound. Others think that suffering like
Job's just happens and God has nothing to do with it, which
is half right in that Job is not being disciplined by God,
but the Bible makes it clear that God is Sovereign - even
over the devil and sinful people and disasters - and He allowed
this to occur. (That doesn't mean He caused it to occur,
as some of the Scriptures at the end of this lesson will underscore.)
Read these excerpts:
"In the
land of Uz there lived a man whose name was Job. This man
was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil."
(Job 1:1) "Then the LORD said to Satan, `Have you considered
my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless
and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still
maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him
to ruin him without any reason.'
`Skin for skin!' Satan replied. `A man will give all he has
for his own life. But stretch out your hand and strike his
flesh and bones, and he will surely curse you to your face.'
The LORD said to Satan, `Very well, then, he is in your hands;
but you must spare his life.'
So Satan went out from the presence of the LORD and afflicted
Job with painful sores from the soles of his feet to the top
of his head" (Job 2:3-8).
So the
writer of Job let us see behind the scenes into the spiritual
realm, what Job and his friends are unable to see (If only
we could see this when we're suffering ourselves!) which is
that Job's suffering is a test because He is righteous and
God is proud of Him and is proving to Satan, the angels, and
all of humanity that a man like Job can love God even when
it hurts to do so. But that is exactly what Job does as we
read below:
"Then
Job took a piece of broken pottery and scraped himself with
it as he sat among the ashes. His wife said to him, `Are
you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!'
He replied, `You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we
accept good from God, and not trouble?'" (Job 2:8-10)
Job felt
unimportant and forgotten by God (as we often do in our suffering)
but actually God was paying very close and care-full attention
to Job. Nonetheless, though he felt rejected and attacked
unjustly by God he still trusted in God! Read these verses:
"What
is man that you make so much of him, that you give him so
much attention, that you examine him every morning and test
him every moment? Will you never look away from me, or let
me alone even for an instant?" (Job 7:17-19) "Though he slay
me, yet will I hope in him" (Job 13:15).
In the
end God appears to Job in the whirlwind and straightens out
the thinking of Job and his friends. He shows Job that he
doesn't understand what's going on: God is not on trial; Job
is! And he rebukes Job's friends for being horrible ambassadors,
honors Job for his honesty, and asks Job to mediate God's
forgiveness for his friends:
"After
the LORD had said these things to Job, he said to Eliphaz
the Temanite, `I am angry with you and your two friends, because
you have not spoken of me what is right, as my servant Job
has. My servant Job will pray for you, and I will accept his
prayer and not deal with you according to your folly.'" (Job
42:7,8)
2.
David suffered because of his sin and repented
David
committed adultery with Bathsheba and then had her husband
Uriah killed in by sending him to the front of the battle
and then pulling back troops. Like a Loving Father, God disciplined
David for these sins to get him straightened out. Here's
a psalm where David journals about how it hurts to be disciplined
by God for unconfessed sin:
3.
Naomi suffered tragedy and trusted God's promise
Naomi
and her family left Judah because of a famine. In Moab her
husband and two sons died. When the famine subsided she and
her daughter-in-law Ruth returned to Judah. She was devastated
and blamed God. I don't believe that God caused these tragedies,
but the book of Job makes it clear that He does allow things
like this to occur for good purposes that we only understand
later. Maybe this is why the inspired writer of Ruth says
nothing to defend God against Naomi's accusations. (It's
the same in the book of Job.)
"'Don't
call me Naomi ("Pleasant"),' she told them. `Call me Mara
("Bitter"), because the Almighty has made my life very bitter.
I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty.
Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty
has brought misfortune upon me.'" (Ruth 1:20)
Naomi
suffered from her shattered dreams for ten years. But then
God gives her a new and better dream: Giving her a special
grandson, drawing her into His love story:
"Then
Naomi took the child, laid him in her lap and cared for him.
The women living there said, `Naomi has a son.' And they
named him Obed. He was the father of Jesse, the father of
David." (Ruth 4:16-17)
4.
Paul chose to suffer loss and persecution and so he grew
The Apostle
Paul is a great example of a Christian who chose the good
pains of self-denial, hunger for more of God, and being persecuted
for Christ in order to grow spiritually and to advance a witness
for Christ. The book of Acts if full of examples of this.
(Many devoted Christian workers, especially missionaries in
hostile lands, can offer similar testimonies.) As a summary
consider his powerful words on losing all things for Christ,
or setting aside proud achievements and secondary priorities
in order to pursue God and His will:
"If anyone
else thinks he has reasons to put confidence in the flesh,
I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people
of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews;
in regard to the law, a Pharisee; as for zeal, persecuting
the church; as for legalistic righteousness, faultless. But
whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake
of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared
to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord,
for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish,
that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness
of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through
faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and
is by faith. I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection
and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming
like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection
from the dead." (Philippians 3:4-11)
IS IT
WORTH IT? EMBRACING PAIN FOR "A WALK TO REMEMBER"
The movie
"Walk to Remember" illustrates all four types of pain with
godly, healthy responses to suffering.
Learning
from the painful consequences of your sin. Landon, a
rebellious "jock" and part of the "in crowd" at high school,
sins by hazing a boy who wants to be included. He gets him
to jump off a tower into a river, but the stunt goes awry
when the boy is badly hurt and the police catch Landon, while
the rest of the group flee. Part of Landon's punishment at
school is that he has to participate in the school play, something
he hates at first. He visits the hospital to say he's sorry
to the boy he hazed and the movie shows Landon learning to
make amends.
Growing
from the pain of being sinned against. While participating
in the school play, Landon falls in love with a girl named
Jamie, who is known as a Christian and a "good girl" with
high moral standards. His ex-girlfriend becomes jealous and
takes a picture of Jamie and digitally alters it by combining
it with the picture of a porn star. She passes the picture
out in the school cafeteria and leads Jamie to walk in and
be humiliated. She is traumatized by this violation, but she
seeks no revenge. She flees to safety with Landon's help
and forgives.
Growing
from the pain of tragedy. Jamie and Landon fall in love,
deepening true friendship while Jamie makes sure that thing
stay pure. Finally, she breaks down and tells Landon that
she has Leukemia. They suffer and grow together by accepting
the sadness of her sickness and pending death.
Choosing
to endure pain for "A Walk to Remember." Landon loves
and helps Jamie through her illness in incredible ways, investing
his heart in her increasingly in spite of her incurable disease.
He develops a faith in God. Jamie continues to cling to God
during her illness, pain, and fear, saying these beautiful
words of faith to Landon: "Maybe God has a bigger plan for
me than I have for myself. Like this journey never ends.
Like you were sent to me because I'm sick, to help me through
all of this. You're my angel."
NEW HOPE
COUNSELING FOR PEOPLE IN PAIN
The A-B-C
model of counseling is the basics of how we respond to people
who are hurting. Through "Active Listening" (like reflecting
feelings, summarizing, using questions and probes to invite
deeper self-disclosure) we enter into people's pain with them,
giving them compassion as Christ's ambassadors. Through "Brainstorming
an Action Step" we encourage people to take responsibility
for their situation, learn what they need to learn, and move
forward with a positive step. Through "Closing the Call with
Prayer" we lift up people's pain and needs to our Loving Lord.
We also may close with a referral from our "New Hope Referrals"
or a resource article from NewHopeNow.org to point people
in the direction of additional help.
Skilled
and caring Christian counselors will avoid the common mistakes
made in responding to people in pain. Mostly, they'll offer
God's caring presence as described above, but they'll also
look for ways to gently invite people to learn what God may
be doing in their lives by helping them to become aware of
and respond to their deeper spiritual needs and longings.
DO'S
AND DON'TS OF HOW CHRIST'S AMBASSADORS RESPOND TO HURTS
1.
With people angry/hurting because they've been sinned against
