January
2005
INTRODUCTION
What
our hearts are hungry for isn't in the food we're eating!
A Gallup
Survey found that 80% of Americans over the age of 25 are overweight
and 60% want to lose weight.
The problem
is not so much how we look - it's the health of our bodies and
souls. We're eating more food than we need and we're eating
unhealthy food and we're doing it for emotional reasons.
Over the
years I've talked with many people struggling with overeating.
The most common things I hear are:
- "Food
is my comfort."
- "I use
sugar and soda for energy."
- "In spite
of my better intentions I end up giving in to food to feel
better."
- "I'm
just so stressed right now I can't deal with my weight problem."
- "I use
food to treat myself."
Forget idealistic
fad diets and pressuring guilt trips - they don't work! There
is a better way to deal with hungry hearts! It's to understand
our feelings and needs and bring them into relationship with
God and others. It's to grow in self-discipline with God's help
so that we can enjoy the soul food of love, joy, peace, and
the all the fruit of the Spirit.
PRAYER
Dear Lord,
you're our Wonderful Counselor and Healer and we turn to you
to help us and those who contact New Hope on struggles with
food. Be our Teacher now in this class to encourage and equip
as Christ's Ambassadors of care to others. In Jesus' name we
pray. Amen.
SOMETIMES
WE GOTTA LAUGH!
A Sunday
school teacher asked Johnny, "Do you say your prayers before
eating?"
"No," he
replied. "I don't have to. My Mom is a good cook."
For a lot
of us our weight problem is really an arithmetic problem. We
just can't seem to compute how it is that eating a two-pound
box of candy could add up to our bodies gaining five pounds.
An overweight
man admitted, "I don't exercise at all. If God had wanted me
to touch my toes He would have put them up higher on my body."
Another
man who needed to lose weight and refused to exercise had this
to say about himself: "I'm in shape. Round is a shape!"
I heard
a story about a woman who lost weight with a new diet that really
works. She went to her doctor and the doctor said: "I want you
to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat the
procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have
lost at least five pounds."
When the woman returned the doctor was amazed because she had
lost nearly 20 pounds!
"Why, that's incredible!" the doctor says. "I knew my diet plan
was brilliant, but it has exceeded my hopes! Tell me about your
experience with it."
"Well I
have to admit that the third day on the plan I thought I was
going to die."
"From hunger,
you mean?" said the doctor.
"No, from skipping all day!"
OVEREATING
IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM
I certainly
don't mean to be poking fun at anyone who is struggling with
overeating! What's funny is the strange ways we think about
eating and losing weight. Overeating, though is a serious problem.
On February
12, 2002 the Orange Country Register featured an article "We
love comfort food," which promoted some Valentine's Day comfort
foods offered at local restaurants. That same day the Los Angeles
Times had an article, "Nurturing an Anorexia Obsession," which
discussed "pro-ana" (pro-anorexia) websites. Every day advertisers
tempt us to indulge in unhealthy foods that we don't need. And
every day the media shows us beautiful, skinny people to admire
and weight loss companies try to sell us on an easy diet.
It's no
wonder that
- 60% of
Americans are overweight,
- 34% are
obese (defined as weighing 20% more than they should for their
height and frame), and
- 93% of
women (in a People Magazine survey) have tried to lose weight.
- About
5% of young women are anorexic (starve themselves) or bulimic
(binge and purge). (90% of people with anorexia or bulimia
are female).
Furthermore,
"Ladies Home Journal" did a survey ("Diet Burnout", November
2001) and found that:
- 71% of
women think about their weight at least 6 times per day
- 40% have
tried to diet and failed in the past year
- 50% of
Americans are trying to lose weight right now
- $34 billion
dollars is spent per year on weight loss products and services
BODY
IMAGE PROBLEMS
A big part
of the problem with overeating has to do with our body image.
Your "body image" is your experience of your body: the mental
picture and the associated feelings, thoughts, judgments, and
behaviors that you have about your body. The Bible teaches us
that we are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14) and
that our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians
6:19), but many of us are having a hard time trusting in our
hearts that this is true.
People Magazine
(September 4th, 2000 issue, "How do I look?") did a body image
survey of 1,000 women, aged 18-55.
- Only
10% said they were completely satisfied with their bodies.
- 80% said
images of women on TV and in the movies make them feel insecure
(The average model is 5' 9" tall, weighs 110 pounds, and wears
a size 2 or 4. The average adult women in America is 5'4"
tall, weighs 140 pounds, and wears a size 12 or 14.)
- So insecure
that 93% have tried to lose weight
- 34% have
had or would have cosmetic surgery
- 34% said
they would be willing to try a diet "even if it posed at least
a slight health risk"! Wow!!!!!
For instance,
Jacquiline aged 17 said, "I try to like myself for what I am
but I open a magazine & immediately compare myself with
those perfect models." What girls like Jacquiline see in the
pictures of Hollywood stars and supermodels often is not even
real! The pictures are modified, airbrushed, and in some cases
created on computer from many bodies and faces! And even when
the pictures are real the "Beauty Queens" themselves usually
aren't satisfied with how they look and are comparing themselves
to others!
An attractive,
slightly anorexic woman I helped was going to a Juice Stop for
lunch when a man said to her, "Is that all you're going to eat
for lunch?" Already, self-conscious about her appearance and
diet she was very embarrassed. And she was angry, tired of being
viewed as a sex object by men.
UNDERSTANDING
THE CYCLE OF OVEREATING
There are
many aspects that go into the problem that we have today in
which most of us in America are overweight. We just referenced
how our media force-feeds us with unrealistically thin and gorgeous
models and the negative body images we struggle with. Other
factors include: Our diet is unhealthy, we're sedentary, our
culture - even in the church - encourages us to live for personal
gratification now, we're spiritually empty and don't know where
to turn or if we know to turn to God we're not actively learning
how to live like and with Jesus.
Of course,
there can also be significant medical issues behind overeating,
like hormonal imbalances.
But what
I want to focus on with you is the psychology and spirituality
that's behind our overeating problem and what we and those who
contact us at New Hope can do to turn away from food and to
God. Let's start by looking at the Cycle of Overeating.
The Cycle:
Love Hunger
-> Sin & Pain -> Bad Thinking & Eating -> Negative
Consequences ->
Love
Hunger
Ecclesiastes
3:11 says: "God has set eternity in the hearts of men." In other
words, we all have a God-shaped void. We live our lives longing
for something more, which motivates us to seek God. Initially,
we're dependent upon experiencing God's love through "Christ's
Ambassadors," people who mediate Christ to us through their
care. For instance, parents loving their children, teachers
mentoring students, pastors praying for church attenders, counselors
caring for clients, sponsors guiding those in recovery, and
New Hope Counselors listening to callers and chatters. It's
in the Body of Christ that we first learn to trust, get our
needs met, develop our identity, and be a blessing to others.
Relationships with Christ's Ambassadors help us to develop the
ability to "walk by faith and not by sight" so that more and
more we can relate with God directly and prayerfully through
his Word and his Spirit.
Sin and
Pain
Like most
Psychologists and our culture today, in the past I've been guilty
of putting too much emphasis on our psychological problems being
due to unhealthy reactions to the sins of others against us
or stress. For instance, the background of overeaters includes
things like:
- Rejection,
abandonment, or neglect
- Abuse,
criticism, or harshness
- Inheritance:
physically, psychologically, and spiritually
- Love
was expressed through food in childhood
Our own
sins are as much or more a part of our problems, including with
overeating. This includes things like:
- Resentment
or unforgiveness (for the above)
- Pride,
mistrust
- Sensuality,
self-gratification, compulsion
- Deceit,
denial of our sins and others sins against us
- Lifestyle:
Type A frenetic living or (the opposite) boredom
Food
The psychology
and spirituality behind overeating is that we're turning to
food for help instead of to God and his provision. The Bible
says, "My God shall meet all your needs according to his glorious
riches in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:19), but we don't really
believe that in our hearts. We look to food to meet our needs
and it becomes more and more important to us until it becomes
compulsive. In that sense it becomes an idol, a false god. We
can do the same thing with alcohol, drugs, sex, work, co-dependent
relationships, shopping, even religion.
The Bible
teaches us to do everything that we do for God's glory
and specifically mentions eating for the glory of God (1 Corinthians
10:13). Jesus is to be Lord of - to rule over or govern - what,
where, when, and why we eat. He is a kind, gracious, and powerful
king so to seek first his kingdom ends up being the very best
thing we can do for ourselves not only for eternity, but for
right now too (Matthew 6:33).
But we are
really messed up in how we think about food and eating. Here
are some examples of unholy and unhealthy thinking that relates
to overeating:
- All-or-none.
One cookie becomes a half dozen or a dozen! "I blew it
so I might as well just give in. Tomorrow I'll get back to
my plan." No. Better to stop at the third cookie. Catching
yourself after a "little slip" is much less damaging than
waiting till after you've fallen flat on your face.
- Perfectionism.
This is really a variation on all-or-none thinking. We think
that we have to look ideal and compare ourselves to anorexic
models and beautiful movie stars. We think that we need to
look super attractive to be attractive as a person, to perform
well to be accepted.
- Shame.
We accept the idea that if we're overweight we're ugly,
if we're not performing well we're bad. If our self-concept
is shame-based then we'll live that out in our behavior. Self-criticism
is deadly because it undermines the acceptance and care that
God and others offer us.
- Excuses.
"I'm under a lot of stress no so I can't deal with my overeating."
But overeating causes more stress! Not dealing with things
just makes it worse. It's the mindset of not being disciplined
- not being responsible, not persevering with what is good
and healthy - that is the problem.
- Ineffective
coping. We actually think that overeating helps us! There
are many examples of this:
· "Feel
good foods" like sugars, fats, and snacks taste good; they may
be used for comfort. In my home growing up when my mom or dad
brought home ice cream or cookies it'd last about an hour or
two. There were seven of us and everybody gobbled up the goodies
as fast as they could so that they could get more. I'd have
two or even three heaping bowls of ice cream. (Today I have
a lactose intolerance and this has helped me limit my ice cream
intake lest I suffer in my gut and digestion!) I've learned
that even when it comes to cookies - like my Dad, I can be a
true "Cookie Monster" - when I practice moderation in my eating
I feel better afterward!
I have fond
memories as a child visiting my Italian Grandma's home and enjoying
large meals with lasagna and other pasta and lots of cookies!
I routinely overate. I think I thought that the more of her
food I ate the more I was loved! Invariably, after the meal
I ended up on "the tummy hurt couch."
The Bible
says, "If you find honey, eat just enough--too much of it, and
you will vomit" (Proverbs 25:16). Sugar is a drug and it makes
terrible demands on your body. It disrupts your calcium-phosphorus
balance and robs your body of necessary B vitamins. Too much
sugar can cause nervousness, skin troubles, digestive problems,
diabetes or its counterpart, hypoglycemia.
· "Energy
foods" like caffeine, sugar, and chocolate may be used for confidence.
An overeater I helped relied on Coke's or candy for confidence
going into her business meetings until she learned to talk herself
through her fears and rely on God's affirmation of her.
"I don't
know what's wrong with me, doctor," Chris exclaimed. "For two
years now I've been constantly anxious. I've suffered dizziness,
trembling, butterflies in my stomach, diarrhea and insomnia.
The tranquilizers I have taken for the past year haven't helped
much at all. Are you sure you can't find something wrong with
me?"
"No, physically
you seem to be all right," answered the doctor. "Maybe you ought
to have a talk with the psychiatrist."
While discussing her problems with the latter, she mentioned
her coffee habit. "How much do you drink?" asked the psychiatrist.
"Well, I usually have from eight to 14 cups of coffee every
day," Chris admitted. "Also I enjoy some Cokes and iced tea."
"Her total caffeine intake was approximately 1,200 milligrams
every day," reported the doctor to the annual meeting of the
American Psychiatric Association. "Since coffee, cokes, and
tea contain high percentages of caffeine, large amounts of those
drinks can produce essentially the same as an anxiety neurosis,
which was what this woman was suffering from. After she cut
down her caffeine intake, her symptoms cleared up."
Now many of us may enjoy a coffee break or two during the day,
but Chris clearly overdid it! And I have known many good people
who either abuse their bodies in this way or in overeating all
the wrong kinds of food! (Dr. Muriel Larson, "Rein in Overeating,"
christianwomentoday.com).
· Crunchy
foods like chips may express tension, frustration, and anger.
I helped a bulimic woman who used to binge on bags of chips
and other crunchy snacks then purge it with laxatives see that
she was angry to deal with this directly and in relationship
rather than going to crunchy foods.
· Often
people who are overwhelmed with painful feelings, like those
who have been abused, may use food to detach from or "numb out"
painful feelings.
Sharon was
extremely over-weight and called herself lazy, unmotivated and
many worse names as she kept "trying" to lose. It took her many
months before she could even stop calling herself these names,
and many more months before she even cared enough about herself
to care what she liked about over-eating and being obese.
Eventually
she learned to think about how she actually felt as she sat
at the table gorging herself. She found that what she liked
about it was that if she ate enough she would eventually feel
numb. So the question became: "What are you numbing out?" In
her case, the answer was sadness and intense anger at men.
Why was
she so sad and angry at men? Sharon confessed that as a teenager
she had been sexually abused by her step-father and some of
his drinking buddies. Sharon liked being overweight because
she thought this might keep her safe from being an object of
violence at the hands of frightening men.
Dealing
with the psychology behind her overeating helped Sharon to lose
weight and to learn to trust men. (HealthyPlace.com)
· Extra
weight can be a way to hide. Being bigger may feel like being
more powerful. For instance, a woman I helped was violated sexually
by her father was afraid to look sexual or attractive so she
hid her body behind a wall of fat.
· Food meets
hunger and fills a physical empty place that may feel as if
it satisfies an emotional need.
· We may
use food to help us socialize, to treat or reward ourselves,
or to stimulate ourselves when we're bored.
This is
crazy thinking. Food doesn't do any of these things for us.
It meets physical, bodily needs only and as such it is temporary.
We won't need to eat in heaven.
Negative
Consequences
Not only
does overeating not solve any problems for us it can cause more
problems: weight gain, health problems, fatigue, decreased mobility,
susceptibility to back injury and other injuries, mood swings,
more shame. All of this, especially the embarrassment, guilt,
and worthlessness reinforces the problem of overeating. Someone
who is obese may feel that he or she should be or deserves to
be overweight and so just gives into it and perpetuates it.
Certain
effects of overeating can reinforce the behavior so that it
becomes compulsive
HELP
FOR OVEREATERS
Talk
it Out
You know
about the value of counseling, support groups, and talking through
your struggles with a caring, encouraging listener. I've explained
to you before the recovery principle that we need to learn to
"talk out" our emotional struggles so that we don't "act out"
of them in problem behavior that only makes things worse.
Think-Feel-Do
The "Think-Feel-Do
Triangle" is a skill that I've taught you in the past to illustrate
how we learn to think about our feelings and what's best for
us to do before we speak or act. This is called "processing"
and you're helping callers and chatters to do it when you offer
active listening with genuine compassion. Processing our thoughts
and feelings with someone helps us experience cathartic peace,
grow in godly wisdom, and learn patience and self-control.
Thinking
God's Thoughts
To live
a healthy and holy life we need to learn to set our minds on
heaven (Colossians 3:1-2), to renew our minds in God's Word
(Romans 12:2), in other words, to think God's thoughts. The
way to do this is to study the Bible, learn from Bible teachers,
memorize and meditate on Scripture. We have to get the truth
of God's Word into our hearts and as we do not only will we
think God's thoughts, but we'll learn to desire God and God's
righteous ways above all things. To help you do this I've prepared
a special handout, "Bible Meditations on Healthy Living and
Eating." This and other subject groupings of Bible verses are
on my personal website, ChristianSoulCare.com.
Fasting
One more
thing I want to mention is the spiritual discipline of fasting.
To fast is to go without food or some pleasure or convenience
like the media for a period of time and to do so for the purpose
of prayer. In other words, I'm not suggesting fasting as a weight
loss technique, although it may have that effect. (Anyone with
an Eating Disorder probably should not fast.) My point is that
fasting from food can help to break the pattern of relying on
food for what only God can give.
Remember,
what our hearts are hungry for isn't in the food we're eating!
Jesus said, "Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every
word that proceeds from the mouth of God" (Matthew 4:4).
Since I
resumed periodic fasting about three years ago (after a twenty
year hiatus) practicing this spiritual discipline, along with
prayer and meditation during my fast, has had a profound positive
impact on connecting me with God and freeing me from particular
struggles that I'm praying on. The key for me is to focus my
fast on a specific area in my life that God is showing me (for
personal growth or ministry to others) and then to set aside
meal time for prayer and meditation related to my focus issue.
Also throughout the day, whenever I feel a pang of hunger I
treat it like the chime of a bell tower it calls me to pray
on the issue God has led me to talk with him about.
