| |
William
Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Executive
Director of New Hope, Crystal Cathedral
New
Hope CE, August 2004
Introduction
Today we're
talking about Kindness to the Mentally Ill. This is such an
important subject for us as Christians, especially since we're
New Hope Counselors.
Unfortunately,
as the following Church Bulletin announcements indicate, we
in the church aren't always kind to people who are struggling.
Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community.
Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please
use the back door.
Weight Watchers
will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use
large double door at the side entrance.
Smile at
someone who is hard to love. Say "hell" to someone who doesn't
care much about you.
The peacemaking
meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to
a conflict.
We need to realize that rich or poor, healthy or sick, mature
or immature we're like the two worms.
There were
two worms on a shovel in a shed. A man came, grabbed the shovel
out of the shed, and walked a ways to do some work. One worm
fell off the shovel and into a deep crack in the cement sidewalk.
The other fell off to the side and landed inside the carcass
of a dead rat.
Later the
first worm managed to crawl out of the cement crack, scrawny
and half-dead he somehow made his way off of the sidewalk and
into the dirt underneath the shade of bush. There he happened
upon the second worm that had worked through the dead rat and
now was very fat and happy as he wobbled along in the dirt.
The scrawny
worm asked the fat worm, "To what do you attribute your success?"
He replied,
"Brains and personality."
It's good to laugh isn't it? If you like to laugh while you
learn then you need to come to next month's New Hope CE class:
"When to Listen, When to Talk, When to Laugh." It'll be the
funniest New Hope class ever - guaranteed!
Who are
the Mentally Ill?
I have a
younger brother who has Schizophrenia. He's a twin. Our other
brother has debilitating emotional struggles also.
When the
two boys were little I fed them, babysat them, and played with
them. I have fond memories playing nurf basketball with them
in our basement when I was a teenager and they were little boys.
I taught them to play baseball and football too. We had discussions
about our Christian faith and many other things. It wasn't until
after I went off to college that my brother's mental illness
emerged. Up to that point we just thought he struggled with
learning disabilities, perhaps because of the complications
of being born premature to a mother with toxemia and starting
off life in an incubator for a number of weeks.
But in high
school he started hearing voices and having paranoid thoughts
that wouldn't go away. After years of hospitalizations, psychiatric
visits, anti-psychotic medications, psychotherapy, special nutritional
supplements, and support from my parents he has learned to function
and manage his life somewhat. He takes his medications, participates
in family activities, drives to places he needs to go, holds
down a job, and goes to church.
Though he's
doing better than most people with schizophrenia, he struggles
to manage his life and wouldn't be able to do so without my
parents' help. My brother lives with my parents, sleeps twelve
hours a day, has no friendships outside of family to speak of,
wouldn't remember to change the oil in his car if my Dad didn't
do it for him, and works all day building Weber barbeques without
talking to any of the other workers who speak only Spanish.
He relies on my mom to get him out of bed in the mornings, negotiate
his days off of work, do his banking and most of his shopping,
and remind him to take his medications at night.
The highlight
of his week is getting to watch a Cubs or Bears game. He knows
baseball and football statistics like the back of his hand!
Recently, I visited him, along with my other brother and parents.
While there we went to a Cubs game at Wrigley Field. That was
great fun to be at the ballpark together wearing our Cubs hats,
especially because the Cubs won! A couple of times he needed
to go to the bathroom and was afraid he'd get lost or have a
problem so I went with him to make sure he was okay. I was happy
to do this, but I'd like to think that he could be taught to
be more independent. In any case, that's what life has been
like for him and my parents.
Often my
brother has questioned God, as to why God has allowed him to
suffer with schizophrenia and depression. (As have my parents
and the rest of us in the family.) Nonetheless, he loves God
with loyalty and works as hard as he can in life with what he
has. That's what you really need to know about my brother. He
has a heart of gold. There isn't a more sincere person alive.
When I talk to him he always asks about me and my family and
my work. In spite of his problems, he shows genuine interest
in me.
I haven't
spent much time with my brother since he was little. He lives
in Chicago and I'm busy and don't talk on the phone much. (Makes
sense that I'm the Executive Director of a telephone counseling
center doesn't it?) But these are poor excuses. When I do talk
with him I am blessed and I should be more involved in his life
than I am.
In December
my parents and brothers will be moving out to Irvine where I
live, along with one of my sisters. I asked them to move out
here so that I could have more contact with my brothers and
assist my parents in caring for them now and when my parents
are unable to in the future. I'll be able to include my brothers
in family events, go to baseball games with them, and do other
things together. I hope it gives them more meaning and happiness
in their lives. I know that God will work in my life at the
same time.
So
who are the mentally ill?
They're all around us. In my family. In your
family. In our churches. Even here. Everyday at New Hope we
talk to people who are mentally ill. They suffer from things
like Schizophrenia, Bi-Polar Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive
Disorder, and Borderline Personality Disorder. Some are stuck
frequent callers/chatters. Others present with crises like panic
attacks or self-injury. All are lonely, anxious people with
no one else to reach out to. The most important thing we can
do for these people is to be kind.
Later, after the break, if you want to discuss
issues related to specific mental disorders and their treatment
then we'll do that.
Jesus Cares for the Down-and-Out
Jesus' came to earth announcing the good news, "The kingdom
of God is at hand!" In other words, he was saying, Listen!
God wants to be your King and your friend; right now he is ready
to govern your life in loving ways. Follow me if you're interested.
He made this offer of a lifetime to everyone he met. But the
elites paid no attention. Most of the leaders in Roman Government
and Jewish religion wanted nothing to do with being governed
by God. Almost all of the rich, powerful, successful, and popular
people just weren't interested in giving up control of their
lives to God, especially a God like the one Jesus claimed to
represent, a God who associated with the riff-raff of society.
Indeed it was the Down-and-Out, Cast-Offs of society that Jesus
spent most of his time with - they were the ones who accepted
his offer of a new life from heaven.
- A
woman with a 12-year long blood disorder who had given all
of her money to doctors who only made her worse pushed through
the crowds surrounding Jesus, crawled in the dirt to get close
to him, and touched the hem of his robe. Talk about depressed
and desperate - that was her! Jesus gave her his healing power
and words of blessing
.
- A tax
collector was hiding in a tree and watching Jesus walk by.
He was hated by all the Jewish people in his community because
he betrayed them to the Roman Government and connived to steal
extra money from them. Jesus called to him by name, "Zaccheus!
Come down from that tree. I want to visit with you for dinner
at your house."
- The paralyzed
man who went to the Sheep Gate Pool everyday for 38 years
to seek a miracle. If ever there was a "Frequent Caller" it
was him. He was paralyzed in cynicism and complaining and
"Yes-butting" until Jesus took notice of him, listened to
him, and challenged him to pick up his mat and walk and to
stop sinning.
- The blind cried
out, "Jesus have mercy on us sinners!". The demonized shrieked
for relief. Lepers reached out to him from the lonely ground
they laid on. Drunkards befriended him. Prostitutes fell at
his feet in tears. Widows delighted in him. Children ran into
his lap. Whole races of people who were despised welcomed
him gladly. Poor laborers like shepherds and fishermen were
among his first and closest followers.
- Even an elite
Roman Centurion bowed low by his daughter's life-threatening
illness came to Jesus. Jesus healed his daughter and honored
his faith publicly.
- A respected Pharisee,
too afraid at first to be associated with Jesus and his radical
teaching, snuck to Jesus under the cover of nighttime shadows
to ask him questions. Jesus blew new life into his soul.
- A rich young ruler
who had it all and was trying to be religious. But still he
was empty so he talked with Jesus and Jesus gave him straight
answers.
Are not these people like many of the people we talk to and
chat with at New Hope? Think about our mentally ill callers
and chatters. Many are stuck frequent callers. Others are just
stuck or difficult or in crisis. Depressed. Disliked by their
family and community. Trapped in negativity and helplessness.
Poor people with problems. Power people brought down low by
adversity. Religious people secretly longing for Love. Rich
people wanting their empty souls filled.
These are the down-and-out people that Jesus ministered to.
You and I may not be mentally ill, but we have been down-and-out
in other ways. We're just riff raff, strugglers, sinners. So
we've come to Jesus to be loved. And then we get to help other
people come to Jesus.
["Because You Loved Me"]
YOU CAN BE KIND TO THE MENTALLY ILL
1.
It Starts with God: Pass on God's kindness
"You stoop
down to make me great!" David marveled of God in Psalm 18:35.
If God would smile upon us, bless us, serve us, give us his glory
- unworthy as we are - then surely we can be generous with our
hearts and our prayers (even when we have to limit the time we
spend) with these callers and chatters. Jesus cared for the poor,
down-and-out, and broken especially and he asks us to do the same.
He told us, "As you have done unto the least of these, so you
have done onto me."
Even with
our stuck frequent callers and chatters - especially with them
- we can be kind. We need to limit the time we spend to keep
the lines open for people in crisis, but we can and must be
gentle, nice, and helpful. Be glad to take one five-minute call
per day or one ten-minute chat per day from a stuck person.
Listen sincerely. Offer caring words and a heart-felt prayer.
Be patient
with those who are depressed or fighting for their sanity. We
may be the only listening ear and caring heart they have.
2. Get
Ready to Grow: God's Blessing on Givers
Jesus taught
us, "It's more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35b,
NIV). It's really true.
About a
month or so ago I started carrying packaged food in my car because
it didn't feel right to drive by people standing in the median
holding signs, "Homeless and Hungry." My wife Kristi, who has
the spiritual gift of mercy, gave me this idea and I'm so glad
she did. So a number of times now I've opened up my window to
offer a pop top can of sausages, granola bar, or other snack
along with a smile and a "God bless you." Such a little thing
to do, but it generates such genuine appreciativeness for people
who are so down on their luck.
One day
I had run out of food so I stopped and pulled my lunch out of
the trunk and shared that with a man. In fact, a number of times
I've given food to that same man right here at the Chapman Avenue
off ramp from the 5 North Freeway. I feel like I'm getting to
know him. No longer does he avoid my eyes and look down. Now
he seems to look for my white car. I know that I look for him
and hope that he's there. And when he is we smile at each other.
The other night at our family dinner devotions I told my family
that my "peak" of the day was sharing my lunch with this homeless
man. Afterward, my kids joined us in praying that God would
care for him and that he'd trust Jesus as his Savior and Forever
Friend. The next time I saw him I gave him a little trac from
Billy Graham that explains how to become a Christian and he
looked at it and put it in his pocket.
Such a small
act of generosity. Just a little thoughtfulness, a few dollars,
and warm greeting. But what a big blessing from God!
Here's a
story of a husband and wife who had a much bigger challenge
to be kind. I came across this in the "Positive Minute," which
is the daily e-mail devotional that Dr. Schuller writes.
They had
three beautiful girls and were looking forward to their fourth
child. Their son was born, and shortly thereafter, the doctor
told them that the child was afflicted with Down's Syndrome.
I remember
the mother said to me, "Dr. Schuller, we looked at this situation
and saw it as an enormous, terrible problem, an awful mountain,
an obstacle to the pathway of joy in our lives. Our first reaction
was one of anger, then bitterness, then self-pity. It was a
vicious cycle of negative emotions. Then we became jealous of
other parents who were having normal children. It was terrible.
"Finally,
we went into two-way prayer and said, 'Lord, could there be
any good in what has happened to us?' And we waited. We heard
a thought in our minds, and the thought was a very strong, 'Yes.'
Then we asked, 'God, what good could possibly come out of this
problem?' This sentence came to us: 'I will teach you a new
dimension of love!' That changed everything! We love our other
three children, of course, but knowing that our one child is
limited is teaching us a new and deeper dimension of love. What
has happened because of that in our mental attitude is a miracle."
(RHS Daily Devotional)
3.
Change Your Perspective: The Mentally Ill have a Talent Too
In the Parable of the Talents (Matthew 25:14-30)
Jesus tells the story of a Master passing out talents to three
of his servants. Five to the first, three to the second, and
one to the third. Well, you know how the story goes. The first
two servants put their talents to work, multiply them, and return
them to the Master.
But the third is afraid because he thinks the
Master is harsh. So, in order to be sure to return the talent
to the Master he buries it.
When the Master returns he praises the first
two servants and gives them even greater responsibilities for
their wise investments of his gifts. But he's furious with the
play-it-safe servant who didn't put the talent to work so the
Master punishes him and takes away his talent and gives it to
the first servant.
Jesus concludes by saying, "To those who use
well what they are given, even more will be given, and they
will have an abundance. But from those who are unfaithful, even
what little they have will be taken away" Matthew 25:29, NLT).
In other words, we all can please God. It matters
not how many talents we have, but what we do with them. If we
serve God with the gifts and abilities that God has given us
then he will be pleased, others will be helped, and we will
be blessed.
How many talents has God given you and I? Let's
say it's three. If we're satisfied with only one talent then
we'll miss God's best for us. If we insist on having more than
three we'll lay a huge burden on ourselves. And if other people
look to us to do less or more than God has asked us to do it
can cause similar problems for us.
How many talents has God given the mentally
ill? In many cases, maybe it's only one. Dwight L. Carlson tells
a story about a mentally ill man who used his talent well in
his book Why do Christians Shoot Their Wounded?: Helping
Not Hurting those with Serious Emotional Difficulties (p.
144).
A certain man who has severe schizophrenia illustrates
this point. He and his family have struggled with the "whys"
of having such a disease incapacitate him for decades. Though
unable to hold a job or do much else in the eyes of the world,
he has faithfully given himself, on a daily basis, to intercessory
prayer. I believe he is using his one talent faithfully. Isn't
his situation reminiscent of the poor widow who gave her mere
penny? Jesus commended her (Mark 12:41-44). So too will this
dedicated Christian with schizophrenia receive God's commendation:
"Well done, good and faithful servant. enter thou into the joy
of they Lord" (Matthew 25:23, KJV).
"The LORD does not look at the things man looks
at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks
at the heart" (1 Samuel 16:7b, NIV).
We think that someone who is mentally ill or
is physically disabled, diseased, or poor and feel sorry for
them. We think that they're disadvantaged. But on the spiritual
level that isn't necessarily true. Jesus said, "Blessed are
you who are poor for yours is the Kingdom of God" (Luke 6:20,
NIV). The Apostle Paul was struggling with a disability or illness
of some kind, asking God to take it away and make things better
and God responded with surprising words. Here's Paul's account:
Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take
it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient
for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore
I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that
Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake,
I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions,
in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Corinthians
12:8-10, NIV).
So from God's perspective if you have a weakness
that you've honestly faced and entrusted to God then you have
a special asset! Receiving God's comfort in our sufferings enables
us to comfort others who are suffering (2 Corinthians 1:3-5).
Being subject to weaknesses enables us to deal gently with others
who are weak (Hebrews 5:2).
In the Psalm 23 Journey we discover a surprise:
Our Good Shepherd's oil that heals our wounds also anoints us
for ministry (Psalm 23:5). This reminds me that on Saturday
October 23rd I have a very special opportunity to
offer you: "Soul Shepherding in Psalm 23" is a brand new seminar
that will bless your soul and your ministry.
My point here is that we all have something
good to offer others. Especially the mentally ill.
4. Open Your Heart: The Mentally Ill have
a Blessing to Share
Pastor Jim Kok tells a story about his first year as an ordained
minister when he served as a chaplain in a New York State psychiatric
hospital that held 5,000 patients. On Sundays he would preach
a message to about 500 of the mentally ill patients including
one who he recalled fondly:
After my first Sunday service there, I stood near the exit
to bid farewell to departing patients. A middle-aged man limped
up. He could not speak but made some sounds, and he shook my
hand. Clearly, with his body language he conveyed a message
of appreciation for the service. I went on to greet others walking
by.
The following Sunday the man came by with the same mute message
of gratitude. I remembered him, shook his hand, and then greeted
others.
On the third Sunday, there he was again. By the fourth Sunday
I was looking for him! I was becoming aware that he was encouraging
me. His wordless message lifted my insecure spirits. He was
becoming an elixir of blessing to me. I learned from a nurse
that he was a brain-damaged man injured back to childishness.
Nevertheless, I was becoming increasingly grateful for his regular
stop, noises, gestures, and touch that conveyed approval and
appreciation.
He was like an angel sent by God. I know that today, 40 years
later, I remember how he encouraged me, a fledgling pastor,
even though he may well have understood little. The lesson I
learned is that it takes little to be an encourager. Every human
being has enough to lift another's spirits. Each child of God
is filled with the resources the world needs. "The kingdom of
God is within you," said Jesus (Luke 17:21). ("Giving Life by
Giving Love: Five Keys to Kinder Living" by Jim Kok in "The
Banner" Magazine, January 2004.)
An Example: "Radio"
Let's look at an example of how kindness can give New Hope
to someone who is mentally ill. The recent movie "Radio" is
one of the great inspirational movies of all time. It's the
real story of Robert "Radio" Kennedy. He's a young black man
living in Anderson, South Carolina in 1976. He has substantial
emotional disabilities. He wanders around town pushing a grocery
cart with a few of his possessions and mumbling as he listens
to his radio. No one can understand him. Worse, he's in their
way. They look down at him, honk at him, call him names like
"Dummy," and yell at him to go away.
Worst of all, one day when he's watching the "Yellow Jackets"
high school football team practice a group of the players make
sadistic fun out of taunting him and beating up on him.
[Clip]
I think this is our story. To one degree or another each one
of us here in this room is Radio. If you can't see that then
I wonder about your Christianity and how you can be a New Hope
Counselor. Radio is pushing his cart with his things in it when
he comes across the football that landed outside the fence.
Johnny yells at him, "Hey, Son, why don't you try picking the
ball up? Yeah, you Dummy." When Radio picks up the ball and
puts it in his cart Johnny yells at him some more.
Actually, I suspect that most of us are in worse shape than
Radio. I think that we've probably played Johnny's role before.
Maybe we haven't abused anybody, but probably we've insulted
people or judged them. Certainly, we've failed at times to offer
the kindness that we should've to someone who was struggling.
I know I have. And I'm sorry for that. And that's why I'm in
Christian ministry.
But the good news is that Coach Jones comes to help Radio and
Johnny too. For Johnny and his bully friends he teaches them
some lessons about kindness. The first one is in their being
disciplined to run wind sprints while Radio watches.
Our favorite part of the movie though, the part that touches
our hearts deeply, is to see what Coach Jones does for Radio.
He comes to him, tied up in the football shed, trembling and
whimpering, "I just want to help. I just want to cut the tape
off. You've gotta hold still. Look at me. I'm not going to hurt
you. Ok, you're free!"
Then later he talks to Radio at the edge of the school grounds:
"I just want to tell you that I'm sorry about what happened.
No, I don't want the football. Why don't you keep it? You can
bring it by practice later. Maybe you can help us out. Nothing
more is going to happen to you. I promise."
The way the coach rescues Radio, takes an interest in his life,
cares for him, and empowers him to do special jobs on the football
field is so beautiful. The Coach doesn't measure his season
in wins and losses, but in the life change that takes place
in Radio.
And Radio becomes a part of the team as an Assistant Coach
for years and years. He becomes a part of the school as a Hall
Monitor. He becomes a one of the most beloved members of the
community.
Coach Jones caring for Radio is a picture of what Christ does
for you and I. And it's a picture of how we can become like
Christ, overflowing with his kindness to other people through
our ministry at New Hope.
New
Hope Resources
Here are
two "New Hope Notes" articles on our public website that discuss
treatment for mental illness. I recommend you read them and
have them in mind as resources for callers and chatters: "Understanding
and Help for Schizophrenia," http://www.newhopenow.org/notes/archive/schizoprenia.html,
and "Help for Depression," http://www.newhopenow.org/notes/archive/depression.html
New
Hope Referrals
Take a moment
now to review the resources that are included in "Mental Health
and Counseling," http://www.newhopenow.org/referrals/mental_health.html,
and
"Depression,"
http://www.newhopenow.org/referrals/depression.html.
|
|
