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Dr.
Bill Gaultiere
In 1986 when
I began my studies to become a Christian psychologist I came across
an important concept that has stuck with me. I hope it will stick
with you too because it will help you help others and enjoy doing
so. This is the concept: effective counselors need to be able
to empathically connect with counselees and they need to be able
to respectfully disconnect, they need to go "in and out"
of the counselees emotional space.
This principle is not new. The Bible teaches the same thing. The
Apostle Paul taught people helpers to "bear one another's
burdens and so fulfill the law of Christ" and to do so in
such a way that "each one shall bear his own load" (Galatians
6:2,5). It is so important for New Hope counselors to learn to
both offer care and have boundaries.
Here's why this is so important. When we, as New Hope counselors,
empathize with callers we learn about their needs and their problems,
we demonstrate that we care, and we've prepared the way to make
an intervention that facilitates change. It may seem less obvious
to you, but it's just as important that we have good boundaries
that enable us to be separate from our callers. This gives us
perspective on the call so that we're aware of how much time we're
devoting to the call, how we're feeling about the call, and how
we want to respond. It shows caller's that they are responsible
for their problems and for changing.
There's a bonus benefit too! Good boundaries help you. They help
you sleep at night, they help you leave callers' burdens with
the callers and New Hope, they help you feel good about yourself
and your life even after a series of hard calls.
You probably have the desire and skill to empathize or you wouldn't
be a New Hope counselor, but having good boundaries may be more
of a challenge for you. If so it is important for you to grow
in this area so you don't burn out. And we don't want that! We
care about you! And New Hope needs you! If it weren't for you
there would be no New Hope, no new hope for the over one hundred
hurting people who call us every day.
New Hope's Outstanding Counselor for 1995 Ben Davis is a model
of balancing empathy and boundaries. Ben is 89 years old and he
is in his 13th year serving on the phones. I aksed him what his
secret was and he replied, "I don't take people's problems
home with me. I leave them at New Hope. You have to love these
people, but at the same time you have to be a little hard hearted
and teach the caller personal responsibility." He continued,
"My theory is that hopefully we plant a seed that helps callers
solve their own problems."
Thanks, Ben. May we all follow in your steps.
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