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By Dr. Robert A. Schuller

For the past weeks, I have been taking you through a series of sermons entitled, "Lessons I Learned From the War." Last Sunday we talked about, "Victory: How Sweet It Is." The truth is, that often the person who feels the greatest victories and the greatest losses, is a mother. It was a tragic sight, to watch the agony on the face of the mother who had lost her son or her daughter to the war. The mourning of a mother is incredible! That's what grips us so much when we look at Michelangelo's statue, The Pieta - the mother Mary weeping over her son Jesus. But there is also nothing more beautiful, than seeing a mother stand up with pride, as her son or her daughter is honored, sharing in their victory. Therefore, in honor of mothers, today I would like to take some time to brag about the victories in my own family. It's perfectly safe to brag, if you're bragging about blessings, because blessings are simply gifts from God. We don't earn them. We don't deserve them. But, God is good!

My greatest success ever, my greatest honor, my greatest joy, is my marriage and my family. That's the truth. Sometimes it looks like the family is losing it's power and influence in our society. The statistics can really be quite depressing. So I was very encouraged the other day when I read a survey of the students at University of Berkeley in California. These students were asked the question, "How important is a strong marriage and family to you?" The choice of answers was 1) Very Important 2) Quite Important 3) Not Very Important. 78 percent of the Berkeley students responded, that a strong marriage and family was VERY IMPORTANT!

I believe these students expressed the desire of most of our population today. Though family problems abound, it's not because people don't desire a strong family, it's because they don't know how to have a strong family. So I want to share with you why, I believe, my family has been a success. It comes down to six simple principles.

The First Principle: Fiercely defend family independence. When our children were growing up, they would often come to me with the excuse, "Little Joey down the street gets to do it." I would always answer, "Don't tell me that the neighbors do it, because that just doesn't matter. They live on that land and we live on this land. The world is made up of continents, countries, states, and cities. And each has the right to set it's own government, it's own rules." My wife and I were very conscious of defending our family's independent standards.

The Second Principle: Have Proper Priorities. We strongly believe that in order to operate successfully, the marriage must come first, the children come second, and others come third. I will never forget how I learned this vital lesson. Mrs. Schuller and I were just starting this church. Our first child, Sheila, was four years old and Bobby was six months old, when we met the Neutras. Richard Neutra was the architect who designed our first sanctuary, now known as The Arboretum.

One day, Mrs. Neutra said to me, "I have observed that you seem more interested in your children, Dr. Schuller, than you are in you wife." I answered defensively, "Well, they need my attention." She was quick to lovingly correct me, "Listen, your wife needs your attention first." Then she was sure to drill the same truth into my wife, "Your husband needs you first." It's amazing! When the marriage comes first, it is strengthened, and then the child rearing falls into place with much more ease.

The Third Principle: Live Strongly by the Practice of Positive Power Talk. Never did we allow anything to be said that would put down or demean the children or each other. Now, I'm not saying that in our weakness, we did not fail this principle from time to time, but we always made a conscious effort to affirm each other and the children, again and again.

Last Sunday I asked the congregation to take a little time to practice this. I told the husbands to say to their wives, "You're terrific!" I told the wives to say to their husbands, "You're terrific!" Now, today, I ask you to do the same thing. And in addition, I ask you parents to say to your children, "You're swell!" Children to say to your parents, "You're cool!" Teachers, tell your students, "You're special!" Students, tell your teachers, "You're great!" Employers tell your employees, "I need you! You're valuable!" Employees tell your bosses, "You run a good show!" Talk like this to those around you. Affirm others, the clerk at the grocery store, the banker and even the officer that stops and tickets you.

Try positive power talk. And never, ever, allow profanity in the home. As a child I was allowed to say gosh, or darn, or golly, but NEVER damn!

Not long ago, I was back in my home town of Sioux City, Iowa to speak at the one hundredth anniversary of the Goodwill. I counted this a great honor! While I was there, I heard this story, which they claimed really happened in Sioux City:

There was a little boy who was raised in a family who never went to church or Sunday school, but he lived right next door to a preacher. One day the little boy was outside playing with his red wagon, close to where the preacher was working in his yard, when the wheels of the wagon rolled off. Then, out of the mouth of this darling child, in the presence of the preacher, rolled out the phrase, "I'll be damned!" The preacher was shocked and quick to tenderly chastise, "Come here, son. That is not a good word to say. Next time be positive and say, 'Praise the Lord!' O.K.?"

The child agreed to try. So the next day it happened again. The wheels rolled off and the darling child remembered his promise and in the presence of the preacher he exclaimed, "Praise the Lord!" Well the wheels rolled down the sidewalk until they hit a crack in the sidewalk which turned them around, heading them right back toward the axle. The boy and the preacher stared with mouths wide open. Then the preacher in his shock muttered, "I'll be damned!"

Number one: fiercely defend your family's independence. Number two: organize your priorities. Number three: practice positive power talk.

The Fourth Principle: Express love. Be tough, but tender. Be strong, but gentle. It isn't enough to just love. You need to express your love. Say it. Show it. Parents, hug your children. Spouses, kiss each other. Lay down your ego. Lay down your fear of rejection. Put your pride on the line. The results are worth the risk. Now, if this has been a long neglected principle, you may need to repeat the expression quite a few times before it has it's affect. You may need to embark on the mission of proving your habits will be reestablished at the time. Sit down and write a list of every positive point in your spouse and your children. Think about the good times you've had and why those times were good. What attributes did you see in your family that enhanced those times? Then, over the next days, weeks and months, look for those attributes in them again. Make it a personal, silent game, (not letting them know what you're up to), to try to call forth those positive points. Carry the list with you. Think about those things. Pray for those things. The Bible says, "Whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are pure, think on these." (Phil 4:8) If you fail, or get discouraged, pick up where you left off and continue on with your mission. You'll be amazed at the results IF YOU DON'T GIVE UP!

The Fifth Principle: Give the children freedom. Freedom WITHIN LIMITS. In our home, the limits are the Ten Commandments, The children need to live by the Bible and go to church every Sunday. I have to say, that if it wasn't for our church youth group, I don't know if our children would've turned out the way that they did. I honestly don't believe that Arvella and I can take all the credit. Each one of our children was deeply influenced in their commitment to Jesus Christ, through the youth workers of this church, whoever that happened to be at the time. I plead with you today, to let the church help you raise your children for Christ. You can't do it alone. You need the church.

Now, aside from what is black and white in the Bible, our children were given quite a lot of freedom, within reason. For instance, they were given the freedom to choose the hobbies that they enjoyed, not what we expected. They were allowed to listen to the type of music they enjoyed, as long as it was of a positive source and not harmful to the nurturing of their character. They were allowed to choose their friends, as long as the friends weren't negative influences. They were allowed to choose what college they wanted to attend. Children need freedom. Freedom within limits.

The Sixth Principle: Provide a Positive Faith that Equips Your Children to Scale Mountains. I believe that we were quite successful at teaching our children to be optimists. They learned this in many ways; one of which was memorizing Scripture. I urge you to do this with your children Each of our children knows by heart the Twenty-Third Psalm. We recited it together as a family around the dinner table. We sat together every night for after-dinner devotions and prayer. Dinnertime was family time. We talked, we laughed, we worked through problems, we admonished, we encouraged, we worshiped, and we always closed with Scripture and prayer.

Never did we realize how important this would be, what an investment we'd made, until the night that our thirteen-year-old Carol was in a motorcycle accident far from her immediate family. She and her cousin had been thrown eighty-five feet from the bike in a country, roadside ditch, where they laid for at least thirty minutes before the ambulance arrived. There in her isolation, Carol recalled the Twenty-third Psalm. She recited, "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for Thou art with me. Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me." There was Carol, lying in bloody mud, her Dad and Mom across the Pacific in Korea, with no idea that their little girl was fighting for her life. We had no idea what we had given her, when we'd insisted that our children memorize scripture.

Carol did not realize how close to death she really was, but from this verse she experienced peace. Carol had lost so much blood that the hospital had to give her seventeen units. They fought for her life needing, at one point, to revive her blood pressure and pulse. Although the accident left her minus one leg, she survived, and with little emotional trauma, and with incredible spiritual strength.

This final point, giving your children a positive strong faith, is the most important principle of them all. Give it to your kids. But, you can't give away what you yourself don't have. So right now, have your own little quiet talk with the Lord. Say, "Jesus, forgive me. Help me to be a better Christian mother. Help me to be a better Christian father. Forgive me. Help my children to forgive me. Show me how to change, through your power and help. Amen."

Prayer: Now, may the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious to you. And may God give to you His peace. In your going out and in your coming in. In your lying down and in your rising up. In your labor and in your leisure. In your laughter and in your tears. Until you come to stand before Jesus, in that day in which there is no sunset and no dawning. Amen.